21 Lessons in 2021

2021 was a rollercoaster ride for me. In this post, I crunch key lessons I learned and relearned in the 12 months of 2021 into one blog post. I hope it helps you.

But first, How are you? No, don’t just say fine. Really think about it. How are you really? I never realised how much we just said “fine” without thinking about it. Like robots. Irrespective of how we were feeling. “Fine” just jumps out of our mouths. I really wasn’t as consistent as I would have liked in 2021. I really wasn’t fine. But towards the end of December, I finally felt fine and at peace. So, I wanted to share things I have learned with you. All from my experience in 2021.

1. Two things can be true: 2021 was my best and worst year at the same time. I felt all the extremes but in all, it made me value gratitude and empathy. I realised that we are all going through it and we need to treat people with more empathy and kindness. The fact that we are all smiling on social media doesn’t mean we are all okay. Sometimes, people are fighting to stay alive, but they still find a minute to show up for their community. As I write this I think of Sound Sultan, Karibi, Chadwick Boseman and many others who were fighting to show up while fighting to stay alive. Treat people with love and kindness.
   
2. Nothing matters when your health is compromised: I once read in a book that sound health is the foundation of success and happiness in life. It didn’t make sense until this year. Please drink water, take breaks and prioritise sleep. It’s the barest minimum you can do for your body. It’s also cheaper to live healthy than fall spend money on the cost of being unhealthy. Take care of yourself. Find interesting ways to exercise, it could be dancing, taking your pets on walks… it’s up to you.
   
3. Less is mostly always more: You don’t need everyone and everything, you just need the right people and the right things. Surround yourself with people and things that bring joy and peace. Take away clutter and unnecessary things. If it brings you unnecessary stress or leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and adds little or no value to your life, cut it off.
   
4. Tell those you love, how much you love them: Life is short and fleeting. Don’t wait until someone’s birthday or death to tell them how valuable they are to you. Spend time with your loved ones and the people you truly care about. Invest time in the people.
   
5. The goal is growth, not perfection: I was not active on social media a lot this year but every single day, in one way or the other I did something that helped me grow even when it didn’t look like it. So compound your efforts, do something everyday to bring you closer to your goals. Don’t overthink yourself out of trying. Try, take the risk, put in effort. Don’t underestimate the value of what you can achieve in a day (everyday for one year). There is power in a day.
   
6. Shoot your shot! Don’t be scared to walk up to that person you admire, DM that person you respect, apply for that job or enter that giveaway. Dare to try. You have nothing to lose. You’ll never know until you try.
   
7. Surround yourself with people whose reality are your goals: Imagine if C.Ronaldo was in your network, would you doubt that it’s possible to make 1 million euros per week? Nope! Would you think he is getting it illegally through blood money or any colorful ideas? Nope! Because you can see it everywhere that that is the deal he signed. When I first moved to Lagos, people told me – “There is no money in Lagos”. However, one of my first experiences in Lagos was an art exhibition where I watched people write 6-8 figure cheques without batting an eyelid. It made me see Lagos differently. It made me realise what was possible. Not only terms of money but lifestyle. It’s possible to work 3 days in a week and still hit your financial targets. It’s possible to raise 1 million dollars seed capital. Your goals and dreams are possible and I know this because someone is already living these goals as their reality.
   
8. Sometimes you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate: Negotiate better. Dare to ask! You never know how much you can get until you press a little bit more. It’s not just money, it is also the terms. What does your ideal life look like? Let every negotiation bring you a little closer to that life.
   
9. The Life you want is possible: Don’t sell yourself short! Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not possible. If you need to change something in your life to be closer to the life you want, change it.
   
10. The solution you are seeking is often within your circle. Nuture your relationships. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your friends. If you need help, ask. If you can offer help, help. Be there when you can and communicate when you need help. Love and be loved. 
    
11. Don’t FOMO in, take calculated risks: This year, there were lots of ups and downs in the stock market, crypto world and more. People kept buying the dips but the dips went deeper. But the people who lost the most money were those who tried to get in when they noticed the returns were getting higher. They felt they were missing out on something and as soon as they jumped in, the returns dipped. Don’t be those people. Be better than them. Don’t get in because everyone else is. Don’t let the fear of missing out be your primary motivator. If it is trending, it might already be too late. Do your research. Ask questions. Life in itself is a risk but you can take calculated risks when you are armed with information. Don’t jump in blindly looking for quick returns. Don’t do it because everyone else is doing it. Don’t let the market and the world control you. Be in control.
    
12. Let your mind travel beyond your legs: You may not be able to travel the world during this pandemic but it doesn’t stop you from seeing the world through other people’s eyes. Curate your feed to expand your mind, read books, watch videos, see the world from a perspective bigger than yours.
    
13. Question everything: Don’t just accept everything as law. Ask why, dig deeper. Why does it work this way? What makes it work? How does it work? Can it be better? Is there a better and more efficient way? Is there an opportunity here? Can it do more? What will make it more efficient? There are so many questions you can ask. Innovation is not just about the product but also about the process. By asking a little more questions you embrace your childlike superpowers of wonder and curiosity. Live life with a little more curiosity. Innovation is on the other side of curiosity.
    
14. Keep practicing, so one day, your preparation will meet opportunities: I keep thinking of Mjambo, Khaby Lame and Amanda Gorman. They just kept creating and one day, someone gave them a bigger platform to showcase their talents. I think about all the days they spent creating before they were finally noticed and appreciated but in all, I think about how important preparation is and how catalytic it can be when it meets opportunity. Keep practicing, keep preparing and I assure you, when the platform comes, you’ll be ready!
    
    
15. Take the lessons, discard the drama: Adult friendships are hard. Life is also hard. Everyone is going through their own thing and sometimes it’s not about you, you are just collateral damage. When the drama unravels, in whatever form, ask yourself, what did I learn from this? What can I salvage from this experience and turn into a seed, to become a ladder for my next level? Nothing is entirely bad. Take what you can and make it into something for yourself. You cannot control how people act towards you, but you can control how you react to people, their actions and your environment and that’s really all that matters. React in your favour.
    
16. Stop replaying the trauma: I realised that I have a special ability to forget. It is not unique to me, we all do. The problem is, we are more likely to keep replaying trauma and negative scenarios in our head. It doesn’t help you to keep re-telling the story, replaying the scenario, it hurts you and your body organs. Apparently different emotions affect different organs. There’s a whole research on it. Anger, bitterness and resentment affects your liver negatively. There’s a better way. Ask yourself what can I learn from this situation? Was it within my control? What can I do better next time? and then move on. Blaming yourself, worrying and beating yourself up is a waste of time! It doesn’t produce results. Choose the better way. Face it, learn from it, move on!
    
17. Document: Document your journey, your learnings and your gratitude. As often as you can write every little thing you’ve achieved each day. Celebrate yourself and reward yourself. Write down the lessons you’ve learned each day and at least one thing you are grateful for. Many years down the line, you’ll be grateful you did.
    
18. Contracts will save your arse: Document every agreement and sign. It’ll keep you accountable and keep people accountable to you even when it is not convenient.
    
19. Know when to walk away: Not everything that comes into your life will stay forever. It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to say no. Prioritise your peace of mind. If it doesn’t serve you or sit well with you or is taking a toll on your mental health, distance yourself from it and heal.
    
20. Give it your 100%, Sign off with excellence: If you say yes to anything, give it your 100% and ensure that the excellence shines through. When you can’t be excellent for uncontrollable reasons, communicate. It can be hard to communicate, but find the time, find the words. It’ll save you a lot of trouble and preserve your integrity.
    
21. Rest: You should rest as hard as you work. Rest is not a luxury it is as essential as drinking water and eating. Sleep! Even animals don’t joke with their sleep, you should be no different. Sleep! It makes you more useful and helps you rejuvenate. You are more productive when you sleep. Take breaks! Spend time with yourself. You are constantly evolving. Take a minute to catch up with your own evolution. Check in with yourself and just prioritise self-care and self-love.

Bonus: Be helpful, be valuable, be resourceful.

I have learned so many lessons this year but in all, I am grateful for growth and grateful for the amazing people around me and that includes you. I am super grateful for you.   

With Love,

Blessing Abeng